This page features information about things that I find interesting and want to share with other people. Might touch on subjects such as science, art, music, culture, math, history, weird webpages - you name it, I may end up talking about it. ENJOY

Thursday, June 2

Deep Thoughts

by Jack Handy

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire.

A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

Wednesday, June 1

Harvard Squirrels

The Division of Engineering and Applied Sciences of Harvard University has invested in the study of the "performance" of squirrels. They have named this process "Squirrel Fishing" in which they dangle a peanut on a string in front of a squirrel and watch what happens. I'm sure there is some practical application for the knowledge gathered from these fishermen.

Click here to get the full experience of squirrel fishing. The first few blobs of text are relatively boring, but the more you read, the more amusing it gets. They talk about serious topics like the facial expressions of squirrels and there is a photo gallery where you can see pictures of high performance squirrels. They also write in a professional manner as seen in the following statement:

"...the subject becomes freaked out by the experience and runs away."

Wouldn't you be freaked out if that was your experience?

Monday, May 30

Today in History

Web page to highlight: Jesus Dance
If you are not offended by blasphomy, then this might amuse you. Do check out the lyrics.

Some information on this day in history:

Jerry Springer was born on this day (not the TV guy, the Canadian Tour golfer, duh)
So was Wynonna Judd

New York lotto pays $30 million to one winner who had the numbers 12-15-30-33-40-48
European Space Agency forms
Beatles begin work on their only double album "The Beatles"

It's Memorial Day
It's Confederate Memorial Day in Virginia

Joan of Arc was burned at the stake today

Find all this good stuff and more at Any-Day-in-History

Sunday, May 29

Freaks, Photos, and Formations of Life

Check out my new section on Blogs I Follow. Some have some really interesting and funny stuff, others have great musings.

Web page to highlight: History of Michael Jackson's Face
Nothing more needs to be said. Frightening stuff.

National Geographic now offers some of the amazing pictures they take as desktop backgrounds. Amazing and unreal pictures. If you want the coolest desktop ever, go to National Geographic and you will find the wallpaper. Example:

Highly, highly recomended for the photography buff.

There's been lots of talk lately about life on other planets. Rock formations on Mars suggest that Mars once had standing bodies of water. Titan, one of Saturn's 31 officially recognized satalites (or moons), is said to have oceans of ethane-methane instead of water, conditions scientists believe to be similar to those of early Earth.

Water appears to be a key ingrediant in the formation of life. Isn't it possible, however, that life could be different on other planets? That life may not need to exist with water, a different type of life could form from non-water conditions? This would take a long time to discover, so looking for life based off of our own is probably the easiest place to start. If life were to form on Titan, it would most likely be different than life on Earth - the fact that Titan is much farther away from the Sun than Earth should be indicator number one. Unless distance from the sun doesn't matter. Implications of that would mean that different types of life can infact exist, rewriting the meaning of the word "life."

Logically, there had to be some other form of life within the universe. So many celestial bodies within our solar system contain certain ingrediants for life, or of a past life. Chances are that the same things are in other systems, planets, moons, etc. What will we do when we find it? Will we extend our Monroe Doctrine and try to invade that planet? Take over more territory? Will we pollute their environment? Or will they do that to us? I don't know, no one does. Hopefully, only good things will come of such a discovery.

Fun Fact:
--> Yawning is contagious for Chimps as well as humans, which may
suggest that they have an ability to emphathize.

Saturday, May 28

Are You Thinking What I'm Thinking?

I always thought that Pinky and the Brain was a funny show. The older I got, the more I thought it was funny. The first part of the show was always my favorite, where Brain asks Pinky if Pinky's thinking what he's thinking. Pinky's responses were usually really good. Here are some of the answers Pinky gave Brain that made me laugh.

B: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: Wuh, I think so Brain, but if we didn't have ears we'd look like weasels.

B: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: Wuh, I think so, Brain, but burlap chafes me so.

B: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: Uh, I think so, Brain, but balancing a family and a career... ooh, it's all to much
for me.

B: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: I think so, Brain, but if they called them 'Sad Meals', kids wouldn't buy them.

B: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: Uh, I think so, Brain, but I get all clammy inside the tent.

B: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: I think so, Brain, but pants with horizontal stripes make me look chubby.

B: Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?
P: Well I think so, Brain, but 'snort' no, no, it's too stupid.

B: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: I think so, Brain, but we're already naked.

B: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: Well, I think so, Brain, but if Jimmy cracks corn, and nobody cares, why does he
keep doing it?

B: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: I think so, Brain, but calling it a pu-pu platter? Huh, what were they thinking?

B: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: Umm, I think so, Brain, but three men in a tub? Ooh that's unsanitary.

B: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: Yes, Brain, but if our knees bent the other way, how would we ride a bicycle?

B: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: I think so, Brain, but then my name would be Thumby.

B: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: I think so, Brain, but scratching just makes it worse.

B: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
P: Whoof, oh, I'd have to say the odds are slim, Brain.
B: True.
P: I mean, really, when have I ever been pondering what you've been pondering?
B: To my knowledge, never.
P: Exactly. So, what are the chances that this time, I'm pondering what you're
B: Next to nil.
P: Well, that's exactly what I'm thinking, too.
B: Therefore, you are pondering what I'm pondering.
P: Poit, I guess I am.

Friday, May 27

"She's a killer queen gunpowder gelatine..."

Killer whales are not, in fact, whales. They are the largest dolphins on the planet - dolphins! Can you believe it? They are highly intelligent and have communities and populations that have their own "culture" you could say. Anthropologists, who study humans and their cultures, beliefs, traditions, etc., are studying killer whales because of their strong social structures. Interesting.

Not all killer whales are killers. One certain type hunts sharks, whales, seals, and even squid. However, others are not hunters at all. They will not attack a human - there is only one documented account of a human getting attacked by a killer whale so no need to fear them.

Web page to highlight: Death Clock
Find out when you are going to die and watch the seconds tick by.

Wednesday, May 25

Turn My Head

I love 90's alternative music. Live is my favorite band of all time. I also love to play the guitar. Therefore, I want to know how to play every song they have. "Turn My Head" is a great Live song that is very underated. Most people know Live for their song "Lightening Crashes," in case you didn't know who Live was. Anyway, Turn My Head has always been one of my favorites, so I decided to learn how to play it. Following is the guitar tab for the song - if there are any mistakes, please let me know.

*Note - If you don't know how to read guitar tabs, click here*

Tuning: drop d (low to high - Eb Ab Db Gb Bb Eb)
Chords: C x32010
Am7 x02010
Am x02210
G 355433
F 133211
Fsus2 1xx011
Fm 133111
E 022100
Em 022000

C Am7 Em F
Eb ----------------- 0-------------------------3--0----------0------------------1-------------
Bb ---------1----------1-------------1--0h1--------------------0-------------1------1------
Gb ---------------0------0-------------------------------0--------0--------2-----------0-----
Db ------2-----2------------------2--------------------2----------------3---------------------
Ab --3--------------------------0---------------------2---------------------------------------
Eb -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

C Am7 Em F
Eb -----------------0-----------------------3--------------0-------------------1---------------
Bb --------1--1h3----1------------1-0h1-----0--------------0-------------1-----1-----------
Gb ----------------------0------------------------------2-------0--------2----------0---------
Db -----2------------------------2--------------------2----------------3----------------------
Ab --3------------------------0---------------------0------------------------------------------
Eb ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Continue to play this through verse if want to

C Am7 Em Fsus2
Anyone, caught in your mystery
C Am7 Em Fsus2
Keep it angry, keep it whispy
C Am7 Em F Fm
I've fallen down, drunk on your juices, ah

C Em Am
Turn my head, turn my head

It's aimed at you

C Am7 Em Fsus2
Funky temple, your dress is torn to shreds
C Am7 Em Fsus2
Your eyes are crazy, I bowed to save my head and
C Am7 Em F Fm
I can't forget you but I can't remember, ah

C Em Am
Turn my head, turn my head
It's aimed at you
C Em Am
Turn my head, turn my head
It's aimed at you, baby, baby, ahhhh oh!!!

Oh no, We came to love you all day
these bastards are leavin'
somebody's got to stay
whatever we called you
it's just a name just a name

[chorus till end]

Monday, May 23

Something's Fishy

Everything causes health problems today. One minute, scientists are praising some type of food that they later claim causes heart problems or childhood development problems.

I found out today that farm raised salmon might cause cancer. Apparently, the fish food the salmon eat is full of cancerous toxins. Wild salmon had these same toxins but farmed salmon had them in a greater and more severe concentration. It is suggested that women never eat salmon to protect their children from birth defects and men would be able to safely eat salmon a few times a month.

In addition, many types of fish contain dangerously high levels of mercury. Large fish contain the most mercury since they eat lots of little fish that also have mercury in their system. There are other things, such as metal fillings, that also contain mercury - it's not just fish.
Anyway, fish, once thought to be a healthy meal, have turned out to be cancerous and dangerous for the development of children. I have come to the conclusion that if you live long enough, you will have cancer at least once in your life. Everything in this world seems like a poison - whether it is or not, I don't know. But I think cancer would naturally happen anyway - gene mutations happen, as Darwin put forth.

Speaking of Darwin
It is believed that some people actually improve the human gene pool by removing themselves from it - the following is an example, courtesy of Darwin Awards

(15 July 1999, San Francisco) A drunken 20-year old woman was standing next to the railroad tracks intending to flash her breasts at the engineer. As the train swept past, the draft swept her off her feet and under the train, breaking her elbows. She was charged with a misdemeanor, and died several days later in the hosiptal.

Saturday, May 21

Eat Your Vegetables...Eat Your Man...?

I'm lacking interesting stuff today. Maybe this picture will help.

Fireflys are actually beetles. Sometimes female lighetning bugs light up so they can attract a male and eat him, instead of reproducing with him.

Web page to highlight:
eBaum's World
This page has lots of useless things on it - movies featuring funny and sometimes disturbing things, games, jokes, and god knows what else. You don't want to miss it.

Thursday, May 19

Mathematics and STD's

Web page to highlight: Mathematical Fiction

Find out the truth behind the math seen in movies. For example, the equation Matt Damon solves on the chalk board in Good Will Hunting is actually not that hard of an equation. It was probably used just for its scarry appearence. Interestingly, I have a friend who claims he knows someone who solved that equation in high school. I didn't believe him when he told me this, but after learning that the equation is nothing special it is probable that the guy did solve it.

On a subject that has nothing to do with math:

Yes, it's true. Vladimir Lenin had an STD. In fact, he died from it in 1924. Documents uncovered after the fall of the U.S.S.R. described Lenin's symptoms, which shars a striking resemblance to Syphilis. Doctor records also show that Lenin received treatment for his ailments, treatment that were commonly given to patients of Syphilis. Of course, there is some debate about this, but the evidence seems to point toward an STD.